Wisdom from "Screwtape Letters"

My son was reading "Screwtape Letters" last school year for one of his home school classes so we  read it out loud, one chapter a week. I have read this book several times and we even own the dramatized Radio-Theater version with Andy Serkis voicing Screwtape as well as he voices Gollum in "The Lord of The Rings", in a guttural, evil voice as only he can do. If you are familiar with this book then you know the premise: Screwtape is the Uncle to Wormwood and is a senior demon to his novice nephew. The book is a compilation of these letters from Screwtape to his nephew who's been tasked with securing the eternal damnation and everyday demise of his human "patient". Thankfully the chapters are small because there is a lot to think about in the ways the enemy tries to get us "patients" off track! Each chapter gave me more than enough food-for-thought for one week.

There are so many nuggets of wisdom that C.S. Lewis has brilliantly dramatized for us via this diabolical comedy of sorts. For example, Screwtape writes: "There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against the Enemy....our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them." This stood out to me in blazing clarity because I can so see this thought pattern in my own life. It's one of my biggest struggles, to not give in to anxious thoughts because I know it does just that: barricades my mind from trusting in God. It feeds on all the "what-if" questions that I can get caught in a mind-spewing cycle of anxiety and fear. It's the opposite of trust and rest which is why it works so well with little effort made to call attention to it.

In another letter Screwtape tells his nephew-in-training that His boss and our enemy are revolted in us humans because we are half-spirit and half-animal. As half spirits we belong to the eternal world, but as animals we inhabit time. "This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imaginations are in continual change, for to be in time means to change." The enemy is aware of our strengths and weaknesses and our tendencies to repeat a pattern  of some sort of peaks and valleys. Work, affection for friends, physical appetites all go up and down "As long as he lives on earth, periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty." He goes on to tell him that this is merely a natural phenomenon which will not do them any good unless they "make a good use of it."

He tells him that they must do the opposite of what the Enemy (God) would want to make of it, knowing His intention to get permanent possession of a soul, the Enemy relies on the valleys even more than the peaks. He explains their logic this way: "To us a human is primarily food; our aim is the absorption of it's will into ours, the increase of our own area of selfhood at His expense. But the obedience which the Enemy demands of men is quite a different thing. One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men and His service being perfect freedom is not (as one would gladly believe) mere propaganda, but an appalling truth. He really does want to fill the universe with a lot of loathsome little replicas of Himself-creatures whose life, on its miniature scale will be qualitatively like His own, not because He has absorbed them but because their wills freely conform to His. We want cattle who can finally become food; He wants servants who can finally become sons. We want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and will be filled; He is full and flows over. Our war aim is a world in which Our Father Below has drawn all other beings into himself; the Enemy wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct."

He goes on to say "Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless." This is so profound for me because it was this way of logic that brought me to truly want to know God as I started to explore this "Higher Power" I came to believe was God as I set about  to turn my life over to Him in my early twenties. I was, at the time, working through the Twelve Steps in a support group and was working on Step number Three which in secular words is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God".  I could not move forward until I knew "Who" my God was and I had been taught from growing up in the Presbyterian Church where my Grandfather was an elder that God was the God of the Bible. I began researching this God and for whatever reason, this became the deciding factor for me, the logic that won me over was the realization that God gave me a free will, where He could have just simply, not.

Screwtape further explains to Wormwood that God may override the relationship with the patient with "emotional sweetness" at first, but that "He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws....He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs....Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. " He takes away His hand and "if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles."  He goes on to tell his nephew that their cause is "never more in danger than when a human no longer desiring, but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks around upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

That's encouraging to me. This is what faith is, looking out over a universe where God is not always visibly seen. We all can have moments where we feel incredibly alone and God feels strangely distant, where we ask "Why?" a million times, yet we still seek Him out, still desire to obey Him, we hang onto maybe a mustard-seed-size-faith. He invites our wrestling, understands our cursing when things just seem too hard, and gives grace that only He is qualified to give. It's His grace and love that helps me hold onto hope. The enemy wants to take that from me, but "Screwtape Letters" reminds me that hope is worth holding onto. No matter how sneaky the enemy is there is wisdom in knowing what we are up against and that God's goal is me united to Him, but still distinct and that even when I'm stumbling, He can be pleased in my perseverance in faith, no matter how small. Such insight and truth C. S. Lewis was able to articulate! No wonder I return to his writings again and again.

Practicing His Presence and Pomegranate Juice

The thought that God implanted  in me early this morning is to start each day expecting suffering. This is the opposite of my default thinking, where I unconsciously expect things to go smoothly and get irritated and insulted when things start going wrong. If I expect it, maybe I won't be so thrown off when irritations, big and small ones, come throughout my day.

I'm currently reading Brother Lawrence's "The Practice of the Presence of God", and it's inspiring how simply and humbly he strived after continual communion with God, stating: "This King, who is full of goodness and mercy, doesn't punish me. Rather, He embraces me lovingly and invites me to eat at His table. He serves me Himself and gives me the keys to His treasury, treating me as His favorite. He converses with me without mentioning either my sins or His forgiveness. My former habits are seemingly forgotten. Although I beg Him to do whatever He wishes with me, He does nothing but caress me. This is what being in His holy presence is like. "

This attitude overflows into every part of his life. I aspire to have the same expectation and surrender. To be able to say as he does: "It seems that a tranquil soul and a quiet spirit come to me even while I sleep. Because I am at rest, the trials of life bring me no suffering. I don't know what God has in store for me, but I feel so serene that it doesn't matter. What do I have to be afraid of when I'm with Him?"

Personally, I think one of my strongholds is anxiety. By nature I am not a sound sleeper, but anxiety is not something I can blame on genetics and anxiety has its contribution to my lack of continual rest. I am convicted that it boils down to a lack of trust. and maybe even a lack of thankfulness since God says to be anxious for nothing, but in all things be thankful and His peace will guard my heart and mind. I can lack in the area of a peaceful heart and mind. Going back to God's admonition to me this morning to expect trials and trouble. He tells me I will have it, so maybe if I expected it each day, and was yielded to the fruit and conforming it can bring, I would be less anxious and more peaceful.

Brother Lawrence exhorts us to humility, "as if you were a poor man knocking on the door of a rich man" and fixing your attention on His presence. Thankfully, I have a few examples of this in my own life, times were I was able to remain abiding in the Spirit when stressful or anxious thoughts or situations presented themselves. I wish I could say it was a way of life for me by now, but it's not. I get distracted from this truth and discipline all too easily.

An example of this in my own life that stands out is Pomegranate Juice. I rarely buy it because it's so expensive but on this particular day I did because I had a coupon. When I got home from my shopping trip and unloaded all my groceries, I discovered it was missing. Of course I quickly went into irritated mode. I called the store where I had been to see if I left it there and was quickly and abruptly told they did not have it and there was nothing they could do for me. It was then that I realized other items missing and all the more certain I must've left a bag of my items at the store. I vented my circumstances to God, after all He knew our budget concerns and my by-now-insistent craving for my precious Pomegranate Juice! I prayed for a more compassionate and helpful customer service agent, but also for His will, knowing this may be one of those live and learn experiences to be more aware of getting all my groceries and having to take the loss. When I called back I did get a different agent and she tracked down my left bag of groceries for me with  little effort. This is such a small example, but it stands out to me because I was able to remain in the Spirit and have joy and not go right into condemning myself mode. It also is an example where I was able to yield to whatever the outcome would be. It may sound small and silly, but it was a victory for me that day in my mind and holding it captive.

It's also humbling to me to realize I need more of these examples to get it into a practice,  a practice of moment-by-moment yielding to His Presence. Expecting trouble in this world, but taking courage knowing that He has already overcome the world and some day, the suffering will cease. So I'm glad I got the Pomegranate Juice I paid for that day, it really hit the spot, but I'm more thankful for the example of remaining in His presence to spite my circumstances. I pray I will learn to continually seek His attention in the big and small problems of life and to train myself to dwell in His presence all day long. 

We will make mistakes that cause inconvenience and hardship, we will have not-so-very-helpful Customer Service agents, we will have difficult people to contend with and circumstances that do not have easy answers. We will suffer in this world, but for those of us who look to Jesus as our Lord and Savior, we can remain In His Presence, abiding in Him, trusting in Him. And maybe every once in awhile we can have Pomegranate juice too. 

A Little While

"For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials." 1 Peter 1:6

"More especially in time of sickness and pain does Satan press with all his might, " Does not God say, "Without holiness no one shall see The Lord?" You know holiness is the full image of God, and how far is this out of your sight! You cannot attain unto it. All these things you have suffered in vain."
"If your eye is not steadily fixed on Him who has borne all your sins, Satan will again bring you under that fear of death in which you were once subject to bondage. "
-John Wesley

I had a long phone conversation with a dear friend today. We both have our trials and although we have very different circumstances, we could realte to each other. We sorta had a pity party of two for just a moment, but then our discussion turned to prayer, then more conversation followed. It became more aligned to the verse in 1 Peter and this devotional quote from John Wesley. We both know as Christians that we will suffer, that everyone has some type of pain or another, but it's being able to go through pain and be yielded fully, to allowing the pain and hardship to make us holy. My friend reminded me that one day we will long to hear "Well done my good and faithful servant". It pulls me out of my magnified focus of my circumstances unto the eternal perspective that this is what purifies, if I let it.  That's the key, to not let it make me bitter or hard at God, but to submit to the faithfulness of God, a God I know is good and just. That tells me His plans for me are good.

Romans 11: 33 says that God's ways are untraceable, His decisions are unsearchable. Beth Moore explained this verse  this way: "God's ways are not His manners or habits, but courses He has taken and still takes. His paths are impossible to trace." She explained that we have the hardest time with God's decisions. The course can be ugly to us and we don't understand why He chose the path He did. We can't trace it by tracking and won't until we see Him face-to-face. While untraceable, every path comes from unfathomable wisdom and knowledge. He has complete knowledge and complete wisdom in the situations  and circumstances we are in. It's His Sovereignty that I can't wrap my limited mind around.

He purifies and sifts, and He uses our circumstances as a means to do that, but it is not in vain. The enemy wants us to think that it is, but our minds must remain fixed upon Him who holds a limitless and unfathomable inside knowledge of our situations. To be tranquil in Spirit, that is the challenge. It makes me so thankful for the conversation with my friend, to spur each other on in truth. I'm thankful for this song, which I heard for the first time this week and it undid me. Focusing on what I know to be true, that's what this song says.:

http://youtu.be/8YRko54M3_A

Learning to Trust

Trusting in God, it's something we are faced with everyday.  It's the challenge ever before us.  I can look back on my life and see some key milestones where my faith was put to the test and where I reaped a reward of peace for holding unto my faith when the temptation was there not to. My big year of testing was the "year of death" where several family members died, the most heart-wrenching one being my mom who I was extremely close to.  It was a year I grew closer to the Lord, where my faith was tested and it stood the test, where I went a little deeper in trusting God.

We all have areas of our life that are more difficult to yield to that trust.  Areas where fears seem to overshadow our faith. My current circumstances are challenging me, testing me, wrestling out of me the fears, doubts, what-if's, bringing it down to my identity in Christ.  I know He is sifting things out of me that need to be sifted.  He is calling me to a deeper level of trust, of holiness.  Years ago I read "Hinds Feet on High Places" to the boys.  They probably don't even remember it now, but so much of the allegory symbolism in that story remains fresh in my mind. I could relate to Much Afraid, and was inspired to read how she yielded to her Shepherd. She allowed him to poke around in her heart, knowing He was doing something good in her. She trusted Him as he took her completely out of her comfort zone and gave her the companions of Sorrow and Suffering, not the companions she would have chosen for herself. It was with these companions that she learned to overcome her tormenting fears to ascend to the High Places, where she receives a new name. Learning to trust in the midst of personal suffering and trials isn't easy, but it is possible.

Almost a year ago I went skiing with my family and some friends.  I had not been on ski's for about 20 years.  Let's just say, it was not pretty.  I can count on one hand the number of times I had been out on the slopes and this time I had the boys with me and they had never been on ski's.  I thought it would be a fun day of family and snow. We started out the day with a lesson.  I was separated to the "experienced" group and my boys were in the never-been-on-ski's group.  My instructor was very nice and our group was small, especially compared to the newbie group where the ratio was more like 25:1.  My group, about 4:1.  We started at the bottom of the bunny hill and worked our way up.  My lack of coordination reminded me why skiing was not my all-time favorite sport, yet I gained confidence as I accomplished each exercise our instructor was teaching us.  I made it down the bunny hill without crashing much and even in-control more than a few times.  I was having a pretty good time.  Toward the end of our lesson, I looked over and saw my youngest son on the ground, his ski's were all over the place and he was about to be in tears if he wasn't already.  His instructor was no where in sight and he looked defeated, discouraged, and forgotton.  I gave him the best pep talk I could muster and tracked down his instructor to give him some attention.  I left him and continued on with my lesson.

My friend, Laura was in my group, along with two younger gals.  Laura had a fear of heights, but had made it to the slopes earlier in the year and had some victory on mastering that fear.  We had some great talks and laughs on the ski lift as we conquered the getting on and getting off as gracefully as possible. To tell you how I progressed, the ski-lift-guy at the getting off spot actually applauded me when I managed to exit the lift without falling finally! Laura and I related to each other, our lack of coordination and all, and were excited when our lesson was finished, feeling we were now ready to do some skiing.  So the two of us, with our kids-in-tow headed to the next level. Our instructor had assured me the mountain next to us was not much different than the bunny hill.  I took his word for it.

 Laura and I sat next to each other on the lift ride up as we had with most of the bunny-hill exercises.  We could do this, we could exit the lift without falling and get on with skiing and we did.  Our kids were right behind us so we all started out together at the top of that hill, which at that vantage point was looking quite a bit bigger and steeper then the bunny hill. No matter, I could do this, after all, I had skied down the bunny hill in-control, I knew how to slow down and stop by bending my legs, bringing my ski's together, swishing back and forth to slow the momentum.  As soon as we were off I had a mildly troubling thought that I was going really fast, still I was enjoying myself, until..... I felt fear creep in. I was going a whole lot faster than I had been on the bunny hill.  Apparently they were going fast too, because within a few seconds they all got ahead of me, way ahead of me, as in I could not see any of them anymore.  No problem, I'll catch up with them I thought, but trouble was brewing.  I was forgetting rather quickly all the things I had just learned in my ski lesson.  This was definitely much steeper than the bunny hill as I careened down the hill in a progressively out-of-control state.  "Focus!" I told myself, "Get control!"

The trouble that was brewing was my thoughts, I was giving in to fear.  I was losing confidence in my renewed skiing skills, not trusting in them.  The thing with fear is it doesn't take much to start the whole anxiety thing.  My ski adventure had become a lesson in mind over matter and my mind was giving in to fearful thoughts and at a rapid pace. I quickly spiraled out of control at this point and ended up crashing hard in a sprawled-out manner on the packed snow just outside of the roped-off fence, not far from a tree.  If it didn't hurt so much and if I wasn't so scared, and if it hadn't made me so mad to have lost control so quickly, it would have been hilarious.  There I was, flat on the ground in a crumpled mess with my ski's buried into the deep snow, my poles were out of reach, I looked very UN-graceful.  Glancing around me, I saw I was alone, completely alone.  I pushed back the temptation to just lay there and bawl.  I realized there was no way out, I had to keep going down that hill, that steep hill that was nothing like the bunny hill!  It took more energy than I had just to pull my ski's out of the snow, to reach for my poles, and to get myself in an upright position.  My troubles continued to brew because now I had no confidence, no trust in my skiing abilities. Whatever confidence I had gained from that morning lesson was now completely gone, shattered.  I had to keep going.  I wish I could have trusted in the fact that I had learned the skills to maneuver down that hill.  I could've swished down that hill just like I had the bunny hill if I would have trusted in that knowledge.  My fears completely took over and I could not get my confidence back.  I tried, but crashed again, not as hard this time, but defeated.  About one-fourth of the way down, a kind soul appeared and had some sympathy for me and reminded me of some things I was doing wrong.  He corrected my technique and encouraged me. I'm thankful for that man, for his reminder that I knew HOW to do this, I had just given in to fear, and lost my faith along with my confidence. I did eventually make it down that mountain, but I had not conquered it, IT had conquered me.

 I never did get my confidence back that day. I stuck with the bunny hill for the remainder of the day.  My friend Laura, the one with the fear of heights, she overcame her fear that day, she conquered that mountain! She inspired me to not give in to your fears.  And my boys, the ones who had never been on ski's, and my youngest who had been near tears in the morning? They rocked that mountain! They all took some hits, but it didn't cause them to give up. Many times God uses my kids to teach me. This was one of those moments. Some day I will have another run at that particular mountain, I want to conquer it, to not leave it as a lasting memory of fear, defeat. 

In using that ski experience in an analogy, I can see how important it is to trust in what I know to be true, and to not give in to fear. It really is mind over matter. That lonely ski experience in some ways parallels my current trial. At times I can forget God's faithfulness and give in to the fear of the unknown, or I can let discouragement and defeat overtake me. I can fall and let my falling shatter my trust that God will perfect the work He began in me and in others around me. It calls me back to simple trust. He has proved Himself to be strong in my weaknesses and if He has allowed my current companions to be Suffering and Sorrow, then He has a purpose in that and He is with me. The Shepherd replied to Much Afraid's fears with: "Fear not, Much Afraid, only believe. I promise that you shall not not be put to shame. Go with Sorrow and Suffering, and if you cannot welcome them now, when you come to the difficult places where you cannot manage alone, put your hands in theirs confidently and they will take you exactly where I want you to go." They did get Much Afraid to the High Places where she realized her companions had been transformed, just like she had.  They were no longer Sorrow and Suffering, but had become Joy and Peace, the companions she had wanted all along. She never would have come to truly know her new companions without knowing Sorrow and Suffering.We all have our "hills" to conquer, we all need companions at times to guide us through, and most of all, a faithful Shepherd. We all are in the process of learning to trust. I wish I could say my skiing skills were enough to restore the confidence I lost on them that day, they were not. If I hope to conquer that mountain, I will need yet another lesson and I would prefer better companions than Sorrow and Suffering!

It's a War Out There!

 

 

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Eph. 6:12

Lately I've been keenly aware of that battle that rages.  It can bring such discouragement until the Holy Spirit reminds me that He is bigger than the principalities of evil and that there are specific purposes for it.  It's just it can feel so vicious at times, so personal.  I find comfort in the book of Job, where Satan had to ask permission from God before he could touch his righteous servant.  There seemed to be a sense of esteem over Job, that God knew his faith could withstand the testing. Or in Luke where Jesus tells Peter that Satan has asked to sift Peter as wheat, but Jesus then tells him he prayed for Peter that his faith would remain strong and that he would come back and encourage his fellow believers after he stood the test.  It helps me look at things from a different perspective.

It's hard when you are in the midst of full-on warfare to see things from His view, at least it is for me.  This last Sunday I had a migraine, one of the stubborn ones that feels at the time like it will finally be the death of me. Anyone that struggles with migraines can probably relate, they can be brutal.  When I was able to sit, in between runs to the bathroom to, well, rid my body of its stomach lining (TMI, sorry, it's part of what makes them so nasty) I watched my "church" on TV since I was missing the real thing and was really in need of some encouragement at that moment.  I'm thankful for TV Preachers, there are some that are really worth watching.  I heard some great messages from Charles Stanley, Bayless Conley, Ravi Zacharias, Adrian Rogers, David Jeremiah, my favorite prophecy show, "Christ in Prophecy", oh and "The Skit Guys" were thrown in there for a few laughs which I appreciated.  I am not saying that the migraine itself was the spiritual battle, it just felt like a blow to my already weary self.  Battle-weary if you know what I mean. Each message I heard complemented the other and gave me the perspective I was in desperate need of.  I was reminded that it is not an option to back down, that's what the enemy wants me to do, to go into a pit of despair and depression. 

James and Peter both exhort us to resist our enemy (James 4:7, 1 Peter 5:8-9).  Jesus said He has given us His authority to overcome the spiritual attacks against us.  In seeing the people of the Bible as real people who had their own spiritual battles raging, but in their time of testing, endured, can give us hope. I know God can use the spiritual warfare in our lives to strengthen our faith, draw us closer to Him, train us for the roles we are meant to play, and to prepare us for our future at His side. In the book of Judges, the Lord, the God of angel armies (que the Chris Tomlin song), did not drive all the nations out at once "by giving them into the hands of Joshua" (2:23).  The Lord left some nations to test  the Israelites who had not had previous battle experience.  Could it be that much of what He allows in our lives is not for us to simply accept, but to get us to rise up? Maybe God wants us to know how to wield the weapons of warfare, how to take a stand, and how to fight. 

Seeing God's perspective on what He allows the enemy to bring against me, knowing He is fighting for me, training me to be a warrior, interceding for me with groans, allowing the pain to build character in me, using it all for good, helps me to persevere and not give in to despair.  To not grow so weary that I am no earthly good.  Having a migraine that day forced me to sit and listen and made me desperate for a message on hope. So I am trying to look at these forces that are against me as a motivator, to let it stir me to rise up. Ephesians goes on to say "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm." 

Let's encourage each other in this battle, knowing we are not solo in any of this.  Your battle may not be as brutal as the above image my son made with his Halo figures, but I know it isn't easy.  Remember Who is fighting for you, interceding for you, and training you. There will be a day when the battle will finally end.  How we fought may have eternal rewards.  Lets rise up to whatever He may be calling us to do, whatever He may be training us for.  It is a war out there, but we are not meant to fight it alone and it is personal and that could be a complement and not an insult!

Music and People

Last weekend was an interesting experience in music and people.  Friday night our whole family went to The Phoenix Dream Center for their Friday evening "fun night" where our dear friend and the boys guitar teacher performed in concert.  A good portion of the audience was men and women who are part of the ministry "Church on the Street", they are recovering from addictions, desperate for God and real about their struggles and authentic about their extreme need for God.  It was a refreshing experience.  One gal got up and through tears shared how hard and painful life has been, yet how God was slowly healing her, her desperation was obvious, but not uncomfortable.  She chose to praise God, to choose to believe God was good, even though life had dealt her some very difficult circumstances.  To see people so moved by God, by the truth being sung in Jason's lyrics, so needing reminders that God loved them, and so stirred in Him that many made their way to the altar and collapsed, crying out to God, was nothing short of beautiful.  I loved being in the room with these people, loved their realness, their rawness and their transparency.  At one point during the night, another singer commented that the feeling in the room was like what we see in other countries with people that have so little, but are so happy to be with God.  It made me wonder what keeps our churches from being like this every week? What keeps me from collapsing at His feet in worship?


The next night, I was invited by a good friend to a unique Birthday celebration.  My friend's friend turned 40 and her unique way of celebrating was by having a meeting at her church, she invited many friends and family, then she proceeded to share her testimony through words and song. She gave part of her story, then stopped and played certain songs that applied to that part of her story, this gal could sing, I mean really sing!  It was a gospel concert and I loved it.  One of the songs she sang during a climatic part of her testimony was the song in the video below, "Break Every Chain".  I have heard this song a few times and instantly loved the power of the words, the truth spoken in them.  She had us all singing the words, getting caught up in the worship of Him who has the ability to break every chain that binds us and chains that binds those we love.  She ended her story with the song "Smile" by Kirk Franklin, another feel good song that makes you want to just get a little charismatic-crazy!  I had never met this gal before, but as I got to know her through her words and song, I found myself loving her, thinking she was so beautiful, so gifted, so using her talents to glorify Him.  I asked her later what gave her the idea because it was such a unique expression.  She said she had went to a cancer-survivor event and heard people sharing their story, that was her inspiration.  

Music and people, two different ways God encourages us.  Music comforts, soothes, exhorts, and encourages. People inspire us and glorify God when they share how God uses their unique set of circumstances to reveal Himself through them, when they tell how they overcame, persevered, and make a conscious choice to believe God even when His ways are hard to understand. I'm thankful for both.  God uses both music and people to minister His love and truth in my life, sometimes it's what gets me through times that can seem so overwhelming in a world that can seem so dark. We all have trials and on-going circumstances that can get burdensome, yet we know we need to persevere, I think God gave us music and people as a means to help us do that, so that we hope against hope. 

Thanks For The Memories

This picture was taken last month in front of my old high school. I love the look of this school, very mighty and majestic looking, classic.  They have a new high school building now that's on the other side of town, apparently the foundation in the old school is shifting and it's slowly sliding down the hill it sits on.  Such a shame for such a regal looking building that holds so many memories for so many. My sister and I both requested a brick if they decide to tear it down. My most favorable memories of my high school time were all the basketball games.  This school is home of the Lawrenceville "Indians", Illinois Class A high school state basketball champions in 1972, 1974, and back-to-back in 1982 and 1983, my junior and senior years, which had a combined two season win-loss record of 68-0. The team was coached by Ron Felling, who, after the 1983 season at Lawrenceville, went on to IU as assistant coach to Bobby Knight.  Mr. Felling was also my drivers education teacher, he was known more for being fun and lax, so needless to say I did not perfect my parking nor driving skills during that hour of time, but it was fun. The championship was quite a big deal for this quiet small town and it has not happened since.  My Dad drove to most of the away tournament games so it was a slow build of anticipation to see our team finally win the championships in Champaign, IL.  Those are sweet memories.  Basketball is my favorite sport to watch, most likely because of my high school years.

 

My oldest son is now in high school, though since we home school, it is not as dramatic as I remember my first day walking into that big school was.  Seeing the changes he is going through has reminded me of both the joys and lows of the high school years.  Looking back on those four years now makes me thankful for the little bit of wisdom and maturity I think I have gained since then.  It was just an awkward time for me, my shyness in some ways kept me a prisoner to fear and worrying what others thought of me over-rided my interests and participation in a lot of things.  Not that I did not have some really good times because I really did and I had some great friends I am thankful to still be in touch with. I just see how my insecurity held me back and kept me from enjoying those years to the fullest extent.  I still have insecurity, I suppose no one is completely exempt from it, but as I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, He has filled me with a passion and a joy that can not come from anything else, from anyone else. 

 My favorite Psalm is Psalm 139 that says God knew me while I was still in my mom's womb, His eyes saw my unformed body and all my days were written before they came to be.  That's hard to comprehend, but it gives me an assurance that I can trust God to be sovereign.  My value is in Him, which can not be moved or continuously changed based on my own performance or in what others think of me.  So even though I did not really know this then, in my high school years, I do now, and as I allow that truth to sink deep down into the marrow of my being, I can learn from my past, accept it, and be thankful for truth.  As my son is now set to navigate through the high school years himself, I can offer compassion and point him to the same One that formed him in my womb, that saw his unformed body, that knows the number of his days before they even came to be, and will be there to guide him, and his brothers after him.  Someday, they too will look back on their high school memories as I have mine, and they will say, just like I have, "Thanks for the memories."